Happy Easter and international transgender day of visibility everyone!
Today, we are reviewing an eBay storefront that has been a "purveyor of 'great blessings and protecting promises' since 2024." It isn't your typical storefront. But before we get into this, we have to set the stage a bit.
Mormonism, Me and Prophecy
As an eclectic Christian witch, I study and adopt customs and beliefs from... everywhere. It is a firm conviction of mine that wisdom can be found from just about any source. With that impetus, I incorporate and sincerely dive into many religions.
One of my forays has been into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints ("LDS"), aka the Mormons. To be precise, there are different sects of Mormon churches, some of which are more conservative/fundamentalist and some that are more reformed. However, the LDS church is by far the largest Mormon organization, with one hundred ninety-one constructed and consecrated temples around the world (with almost that many planned or in construction; and temples are a bigger deal than the chapels).
I likely believe more of the Mormon story than many that are actually in the church. Heck, some of it is just straight up American history. I've also found both solace and meaning in Mormon texts (there's way more than just the Book of Mormon).
The previous statement on its own is not going to be enough to convince those in the church, so let me put it in a more Mormon testimony-esque way: I believe that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God and I believe Russell Nelson is a current prophet that speaks to God.
Pictured: My boy Russell Nelson, current head of the LDS church and designated prophet.
I feel the need to state that I believe many people are/were "prophets of God" (For proof, I'm making my own Mormon prophecy by the end of the next few paragraphs). Indeed, I'd argue that, once enough people believe that you are a prophet, you are one (or might as well be one) because you are acting as that intermediary and will be remembered as such. Listening to the divine and prophesying the future is honestly not that hard if you just try to see it that way and think in those terms. If you do that on a professional level and for a number of years (like Russell), you would probably be quite good at it indeed. Practice makes perfect. But I digress.
But there are reasons I am not a member of the LDS church (and why I don't really call myself a Mormon outside of extremely specific and qualified contexts like this). However, no matter what I call myself, I'll never be a Mormon to most within the church (and particularly the LDS church itself). One of the primary reasons is that I find the mandates and requirements to be too existentially limiting to ring true. The freedom that comes with the approach of taking rules more as guidelines and warnings instead of rigid, black and white conditions to be added to decision-making is too amazing to give up (and I'd argue enjoying that freedom is one of the fundamental points of Christ's sacrifice). As Russell himself said: "As you think celestial [think eternally in this context], you will find yourself avoiding anything that robs you of your agency." I just take that sentiment a few steps beyond what the LDS church wants.
There are also parts of Mormon doctrine that are stuck in the past or are problematic, though this is hardly unique to the Mormon church. For example, the LDS church currently won't even have me as a member if I wanted to be because I'm trans. And this is pretty core to the current iteration of the religion. When I met with the (teenage) elders of the church, they informed me that rule number one is the "words of wisdom" (which is, inter alia, is where the prohibition on drinking comes from) and rule number two was on chastity. This "chastity" is what includes the current ban on any kind of queer behavior.
However, unlike many religions, the LDS church has already shown a willingness to adapt to the times (see, e.g. official declarations number 1 and 2, changing the church's past practices of polygamy and explicit racism respectively). So here's a prophecy: Official Declaration 3 will be adopted, allowing LGBTQ+ individuals to be full members of the church. Indeed, church policy has already started to shift in this area. At that time, the chastity rule will shift to discouraging actual problems in that area, like consent and motivations (and probably a whole waiting until marriage/monogamy/purity thing). It's likely not going to happen in the near future, but prophecy is made on a different kind of scale. Russ gets it.
So, I do consider myself a kind of Mormon in some sense. Even if I don't follow the rules exactly, being thoughtful around them has made me a better person. Plus, for better or for worse, I certainly have a dose of the American Exceptionalism that pervades Mormon doctrine and established a prosperous city on the shores of a lake full of water you can't drink.
But back to the story at hand!
The Story at Hand
The story begins when I felt called in my faith to get a Mormon temple garment.
In case you are unfamiliar, a Mormon custom is the wearing of temple garments throughout life. These garments are typically presented at a temple ceremony and is considered a large step in the Mormon faith. They act as a constant reminder of the covenants the person has made with the divine as well as a reminder of modesty (while acting as a shield, guaranteeing a certain degree of it).
Pictured: An older style of temple garments. They also have the symbol of the square (think a right angle), the compass (think an inverted thirty degree angle) and a navel mark (a small horizontal line).
The garments themselves are white and nondescript. partially representing the animal skins that God presented Adam and Eve after the whole fall thing. There's also an apron that goes along with it in temple (which was borrowed from Freemasonry, like a lot of Mormon temple work/tokens and some symbolism).
You can't just buy them anywhere. Normally you have to go directly through the church and have what is called a "Temple Recommend." I am barred from going through this route (partially due to Official Declaration 3 not having been passed yet). But you know me! There's always another way.
So I turned to secondary markets to try and find some garments (as I have done to acquire a certain other religious artifact I wasn't supposed to be able to get). On eBay, I found the seller Dress Celestial, that offered them at roughly $40/pair. I got two.
Pictured: Directly from the store. But it's part of the bit. You'll see.
I didn't really think anything of it, outside some of the advertising being strangely worded and irreverent. But I didn't really care. A few days later, they showed up.
I don't really know how to describe how it is to wear these. I tried for a while, but couldn't come up with anything that really was able to put it in terms I felt were satisfactory. Suffice it to say, however, that I do use them sincerely.
I saved one of the pieces that came with the package, which bears the Mormon "password to heaven." It seemed nice, so I put it on the fridge.
Pictured: The thing. Oh, yeah. Certain phrases are called tokens. Something else borrowed from Freemasonry.
One day, I was looking at this card and checked out the back.
Pictured: The back.
The site had already struck me as odd. But the 10% off code seemed suspicious. Return and report? That's an odd choice of phrase.
So I went to the original storefront. The page had changed significantly from when I last saw it. For starters, their offered products initially had every size in both sexes. Now, they only offer two lots of petite garments and only the size/sex I purchased.
Pictured: What the site looks like as of writing this post.
It became obvious at this point that this seller was a front for the official church in some capacity (I mean, it explains where they got them). Not sure if its at the ward level or something larger. But someone set up a huge "I told you so". Unfortunately, they made the mistake of selling it to me and I get to beat them to the punch on this one.
I Know You're Reading
Now I'd like to address the owners of this store directly. First, Happy Easter! Hope you are doing well.
I know you're reading because, of course you are. You literally still have the store baited for my specific order. Plus, your store went live in February 2024 and only two items have been sold (making me your sole customer). And, reading between the lines, it appears that you want me to return these. I wrote a poem for you!
I know these are sacred
and I mean no disrespect.
But these are my garments
and my temple they protect.
I wear it not to mock your faith
but don it as a part of mine.
A small reminder every day
of how I spend my time.
A sense of security pervades
remaining perpetually dressed.
Only I get to remove these;
a comfort of being blessed.
If a witch's customs make you mad,
who exactly did you expect to see?
Ask yourself this simple question:
Why did you sell them to me?
I'm not returning them in case that isn't obvious. I also plan to keep wearing them. I bought them free and clear for an agreed price. If you don't like them being in my hands, you shouldn't have sold them to me.
I mean, I'd have found another way. But I'm so happy you set this up. Now I can honestly say that I got my first set of temple garments from the church itself (and that it was given to me willingly, fully knowing of my lack of status within the church). It's like your storefront says: the extra holiness certainly grants extra comfort!
And lastly, given that this inspired a prophecy, I'd say we are honor bound to get a copy of this post over to Russ. I can handle that myself. Just wanted you to know in advance.
Return and report that. Unless I'm missing something and you actually want to offer me 10% off my next order. Then, please accept my apologies and I'll take four.
***
EDIT: Since posting, the storefront has changed. Apparently someone bought the other lots that were offered and it is now baited for their order. I also can't comment or get in touch with the storefront via eBay (or maybe I'm just dumb and missing how to do it). So I am hand delivering two letters to the church, one for Dress Celestial and one for the prophet's eyes only.
FURTHER EDIT: Seems the storefront has been shut down for now. Perhaps they didn't get the response they were hoping for. However, it remains immortalized here. Also, as of April 12, 2024, the letters have been delivered (I left it with someone at where the First Ward meets since the temple is down for renovation and I have faith it will make it to you).
FURTHER FURTHER EDIT: And now the store offers full temple sets of clothing for some reason. I'm not going to keep updating from this point. The link is there if you want to see what they've changed it to now. I also got confirmation that the letter was received. What happens now? We shall see (remember I said changes won't happen in the short term).